Loving pets help victims escape abuse
The poodles always gave the first signal. When her husband was in a bad mood, when abuse was coming, Donna's poodles would find her.
"I would immediately know by the dogs' reaction what his mood would be," said Donna, who asked that her real name not be used. "My husband would have one good day where we wouldn't fight and then extremely bad days or weeks where you can't do anything right. The dogs would immediately know where he was in his cycle."
The poodles were fiercely loyal. They loved walks, but they wouldn't go on walks with Donna's husband unless Donna put the leashes on. When her husband told Donna she couldn’t come back home, she knew she couldn't leave her poodles behind.
At the Harbor House in Appleton, Donna and her poodles found safe shelter this year thanks to Zach's Critter Corner, where victims of abuse can bring their pets. As advocates increasingly recognize the unique value of pets as allies against abusers, shelters are finding ways to accommodate them. Lawmakers are considering a bill that would allow restraining orders to protect them.
Can't leave them behind
Studies have shown that abused women and children are often emotionally close with pets, and sometimes delay leaving their abusers because they worry about leaving their pets behind. It was almost that way for Donna.
"I was not prepared to let my dogs go," Donna said. "They're my babies."
It was the day before her birthday that Donna was told she couldn't return home. That day, Donna accidentally left the house with her husband's key in her pocket. Her husband called, and she went back home to drop off the key. As punishment, her husband kicked her out of the house. He called it a "time out."
Donna spent her birthday in a hotel. After three days, she went to the shelter at the Harbor House. The fact that Harbor House could accommodate her poodles meant that when Donna's husband told her to come home, she said no.
If Harbor House did not have space for pets, Donna said she likely would have returned to her husband because she could not leave her poodles behind.
"If I couldn't go there with my dogs, I would have probably gone back to him," Donna said. "If I had to go back, I knew what was waiting for me. I know going back would have probably killed me in the long-term."
Harbor House was early to recognize the importance of a space for animals. With funding from Red Rover, the shelter purchased cages, toys, blankets and food for animals to stay in an area that is separate from the residents, but under the same roof. The family of Zachary Moe, who died in 2012 at age 18, has also donated to the space, which has been named "Zach's Critter Corner" in his honor.
"We know pets are part of the family, and families will not leave a pet at home because they are killed sometimes in domestic violence situations," said Beth Schnorr, executive director at Harbor House."You can't leave a family member behind."
Other shelters are also recognizing this need. Maria Wierichs, executive director of Christine Ann Domestic Abuse Services in Oshkosh, said the shelter there does not currently have space for animals, but this is on her "wish list."
At the Women's Community in Wausau, director Jane Graham Jennings said she had hoped to include space for animals in the new shelter, but she said the idea was scrapped because neighbors were concerned about barking noises. For now, the shelter works with families to find foster placements for animals, but she said having space for them in the shelter would be more ideal and could help victims with their recovery.
Friend in recovery
In addition to helping victims in times of abuse, pets can be crucial to helping victims recognize abuse for what it is and aiding them in their recovery.
While Donna was living with her husband, she says she was in a "fog of abuse." The abuse became her "new normal" as she lost more and more of herself in efforts to keep her husband calm. She lived in constant fear, and the stress wore down her body. She believes it caused her heart attack, but she kept thinking it would get better.
"Very often, we think, if I just give in a little, he would change," Donna said. "It doesn't happen. You try every single way. You give in. Even a simple thing like fixing a broken tap — if he doesn't want to do it, he would get aggressive, and I would back off. I would rather live with a dripping tap than have to ask him. That's how they train you."
It took several days at the Harbor House for Donna to see how the time away from her husband changed her — and her poodles.
"After about two weeks, they totally changed," Donna said of her dogs. "I actually realized, wow, look how different they are. I think they were depressed."
The dogs had fresh energy. When she looked at herself, Donna recognized the same thing.
"When I didn't have that constant fear in me anymore, I realized there is another way," she said.
Donna's poodles continued to support her every step of the way. When she was upset, she would walk down the hall to talk to them and pet them.
"Having your animals with you adds so much to your recovery; it's not something that can be measured in money," Donna said. "They are as valuable as the resources you get at Harbor House. The fact that I could cuddle them gave me comfort — just touching your dogs is therapeutic in so many ways."
Adding legal protection for pets
Donna is now living on her own and in the process of divorcing her husband. But she still lives with the fear that he will find her and her dogs. She said he has made threats about them.
"I cannot leave my pups alone at any stage," Donna said. "It's a constant fear that he's going to take them. A constant fear."
To give extra protection to animals — and comfort to their human friends — End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin is advocating for a bill that would allow judges to grant restraining orders to cover animals.
"For victims, who are often cut off from support and isolated, their relationship with a beloved pet can really be an important source of support in their lives, and perpetrators know that," said Tony Gibart, public policy director at End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin. "When a victim is separating, often it's the pet that's retaliated against. That fear of leaving behind a defenseless animal is a reason many victims stay."
The bill has already passed the state Senate. It would allow judges to order perpetrators not to "remove, hide, damage, harm, mistreat, or dispose of" household pets. It would also allow victims to retrieve pets from the perpetrators.
Schnorr said she thinks these options would be helpful for many of the victims she sees coming to Harbor House with their pets.
"It took years to get society to see abuse against women and children as a crime," Schnorr said. "Pets are part of the family, so that needs to be seen as a crime also."
Donna said the restraining order is an opportunity she would use for her dogs if she could. For now, she is trying to enjoy each day she has with them.
"It seems as though they have a second lease on life," Donna said. "They seem like pups again."
Rory Linnane: 920-993-7184 or rlinnane@gannett.com; on Twitter @RoryLinnane
Finding help
If you need help, reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or find local resources at www.endabusewi.org/gethelp/shelters.